Running on fumes...

Some days I struggle to find a reason to get out of bed.  Some nights I lay awake for hours unable to sleep but unwilling to give up the attempt.  Most nights when sleep eludes me I come here and write some small bit of personal reflection.  Lately I haven't had any inspiration to write at all.  My thoughts seem repetitive and the words fail to come to me.
Tonight I had the same problems.  I finally rolled out of bed this afternoon and took my medicine.  My wife tried to coax me out of bed earlier but I didn't sleep well last night, so I was still tired today.  Once I was up and around I found there was nothing to do, no phone calls to make or emails to write with President's Day going on.  My other routines were similarly unattractive, no games or facebook or news feeds kept my interest.
Even food and time alone with my wife left me feeling jaded and empty.  Not for any lack on her part but because I could not stay focused on the moment.  The endless cycle of worrying and hoping repeated in my mind all day.  Before I knew it evening had passed to night and the time had come for my second round of medicines.  Not long after that we retired for the night and I lay awake trying desperately to stop the cycle in my mind and rest.  Two hours later I got up and tried to clear my mind here.
The frustration goes on, the cycle repeats itself and I am caught like a mouse on a spinning wheel.  There is no end in sight and every day weighs on me like an added stone to those I already carry.  I yearn for some peace and rest but the wheel turns and draws my attention back again and again.  That's all metaphor of course, but it feels oddly accurate just the same.