Insomnia, or trouble sleeping isn't new for me. Even with drugs and a cpap machine I still have more nights than not with at least an interruption to my rest. I can't even act surprised anymore, I just expect to wake up and not be able to get back to sleep for a few hours. I used to worry about it and the 'poor sleep hygiene' that goes with it, but now I just accept it and try to use the time I'm awake and alone. Like writing in this blog. I'd never get the peace and quiet I need to write here if I slept through the night.
So I sit here, cycling through all the troubles I have on the horizon, the chance for help that may never come, and what else I can do to make an impact on things. Most of that just brings me down a notch as I realize how big the problems have grown. There is still hope, but it grows more fleeting by the day. Even as I hope all the more for some relief. I don't know what else I can do to make things better, but I'm willing to try just about anything at this point.
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