Stress

I've talked about the different stress I deal with each day, but I haven't fully articulated how that stress takes a toll on me.  I had a class once that talked  about stress in great detail.  It covered positive stress like winning an award and the negative stress we all think about like losing your job.  For me, lately at least, stress always seems to be of the second variety.  I'm constantly trying to keep up with a series of negative events and at least minimize the damage each event imparts.  Something as simple as a utility bill coming due can send me into outright panic until I can figure a way to pay it off.
Much more difficult though are emotional and relationship issues that come up amid all the other sundry stressors I face each day.  Finding a way to care for our children and grandchildren tasks me in ways I didn't ever think I would be challenged to face.  Keeping harmony with my wife when I really feel like cursing a string of profanity laden tirades about how things are going at once makes me bitter about the situation I find us in but also very aware of how selfish that line of thought could make me.  The last thing I want to do is alienate the one person who has stood by me through thick and very thin times.
The real toll then is not in dealing with the stress I feel each day, but in mustering up the energy and determination to overcome yet another set of obstacles to the peace and contentment I so desperately want. Although outright crises seldom rear their ugly heads on any given day, the string of smaller challenges day after day still wears me out emotionally.  I'm not very good at dealing with my emotions to begin with, but the constant drain day after day leaves me practically gasping for breath each night by bedtime.  Its no wonder I have trouble sleeping with all the baggage I bring to bed with me each night.  I'm surprised I get any rest at all.