If waiting for the decision seemed hard...

Imagine knowing that your wait was over - the decision was in your favor finally after all those years of uncertainty.  Now you just have to wait for the payoff.  And you wait.  It  may not take the years of anguished waiting that you've gone through already, but it still takes time.  That time seems to stretch on and on anyway.  Knowing that the moment the funds from your victory will change your entire life make that time between receiving your award letter and actually seeing the money seem as long as those years of waiting magnified somehow.  I can only describe the bittersweet agony of waiting for the finish line as tormented and exhilarating.
Time still stands still, but its a temporary condition.  I'm ready to move on and let all these years of frustration go.  I'm just waiting for that time to come and the weight to roll completely off my shoulders.  Bring on the champagne and celebration - just bring it on quick!!!

Oh what a difference a day makes...

Or in this case, a week and some change.  I have received the big envelope from VA with an award of 100% schedular disability.  Nevermind the details, I'm finally able to fix all the things that have weighed on me all this time!  Thank you to all you folks who commiserated with me and wished me luck and so on.  Victory took only 13 years!!!
I'm so excited, I need to take a breath and push this manic feeling back down to manageable levels.  But after all this time, such relief and oh what joy!

And time stands still...

So I still don't have any idea about my appeal decision.  But I have read the two Compensation & Pension (C&P) exam reports that VA ordered.  I'm not exactly thrilled with either report.  Both left out important information I shared during the exams and neither one would say outright that I was unemployable.  That does not bode well for the decision I'm waiting for either.
In other news, when it rains it pours.  My wife lost a tire on the car yesterday, well she got a flat tire anyway.  With the limited income I have from my VA disability, the cost of a new tire can be enough to throw our entire budget off.  Paying bills is harder and keeping our heads above water is just as difficult.  Not to mention a couple of ballooning payments for bills I haven't even begun to figure out a way to pay.
The stress of all this has been building in me for days.  I can literally feel it in my gut, and my irritable bowel syndrome confirms it.  I've had to take a lot more pain medicine lately and even resorted to using the muscle relaxers VA prescribed for me.  I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but the cycle in my head doesn't leave much room for anything else.  My hopes for a favorable decision are slipping away, but I have to hold on no matter what.  There is too much stubbornness left in me to give up or quit.  All I can do is hope that my attorney can pull off a last minute save somehow.  I've said all along she is pretty good at what she does.